A blog of infinite Choobism, and thence of incredible awesomeness.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Cocksucker Christianity

Chooblog is honoured to have a contribution from Cap'n Awesome, who is well known over at RA. If you don't know who the cap'n is, go fuck yourself you ignorant cumchugger.



There are two basic types of Christians. Sure, there are ten million different sects, from Catholics to Mormons to Christian ‘Scientists’ and Ethiopian Orthodox. But when you boil it all down, there are only two types. The first type is the fundamentalist, they read their bible and believe every bit of it to be truth. No, it’s not a conglomeration of myths, fables and legends collected by barely literate goat-fucking tribesmen over a time span of thousands of years, it is the word of God! We are all familiar with this type, they have Sunday morning TV shows, Dinosaur theme parks and double-wide trailers.

The other type of Christian is equal in number and generally not as loud. This does absolutely nothing to dampen their idiocy. They are the ones who don’t take the bible literally, but for some reason still believe Jesus and god. However instead of the Jesus and God of the bible, they believe in basically whatever they made up themselves. We have several names for these people, the most common is “Liberal Christian” but some other well know ones are “Christian Apologists” “Whiney Christians” and “Limp-wristed, touchy-feely, crybaby Christians” but my favorite way to refer to them is “Cocksucker Christians”

This label is accurate for a couple of reasons. One: It’s a well know scientific fact that all of them (male and female) love a big hunk of man-meat in the mouth from time to time. Two: They like to figuratively suck cock also, specifically the cock of anything that is ‘spiritual’ and doesn’t involve a lot of effort or thought. They all love Buddhism, just mentioning the word Buddhism will get their panties wet (as the men wear panties also) but when you ask them to name the basic tenants of Buddhism they’ll stutter for a second then go “Uhhhh, peace”

Cocksucker Christians all share a few basic characteristics. Number one: They think their views are unique. Now to a certain degree they are right, because everything they believe is just made up in their own heads. You often hear them say phrases like “God, to me, is just pure love” Well thank you dipshit, do you have anything to back up that statement? They go out of the way to add the ‘to me’ because they want you to know how tolerant and accepting they are of your point of view, with that faint glimmer of hope in their eye that you are going to accept theirs back. It reminds me of the retarded kid who wanted to play soccer with the rest of us, and we pretended that we let him, then beaned him in the head with the ball and started kicking him. You’d feel sorry for them, if they weren’t such drooling retards.

The second characteristic is that they are very very very tolerant and go out of the way every moment to let you know how tolerant they are. All beliefs are equal in their minds. They like to ignore a fundamental aspect of reality, somebody is right. (Hint: it’s the Atheists) There either is a god or there isn’t. (Hint: There isn’t) That right there disqualifies the idea that all beliefs are equally valid. Whenever you point this out, they love to drop the one weapon in their arsenal (Aside from cocksucking) and that is the “open minded” card. “You are just not open minded” To which I like to ask them why they aren’t open minded to the idea of killing yourself for Allah. Because they know that it is a stupid belief! If they weren’t busy getting kicked for being a retard or slobbering down a nice chunk of Buddhist cock, they would realize their beliefs are all stupid too.

Cap’n Awesome ( YourReligionSucks.blogspot.com )



68 comments:

atheistsarebad said...

Atheists are not tolerant, just look at this blog for the proof. You hate christians.

The Judge said...

You really are a dumbfuck if you think it's just xians we hate.
We hate stupidity. Religidiots include xians, but don't flatter yourself that it's ONLY your particular brand of fairytale filth we hate.

atheistsarebad said...

so you are just intolerant in general so I am proven correct after all

The Judge said...

I've decided to start my own blog just to secure my name. Unfortunately, "The Judge" is already taken so hereafter "the judge" should come up as "the_atheist_judge."

The Judge said...

Nope, that's good, it just comes up as the judge. Sweet. Now.....

The Judge said...

Whoa, no hold on a minute.
First you say we hate christians (which is only partly right) then you say we are intolerant of everyone] "in general."

This belies your incorrect assumptions that a.) christians are the only people we hate, b.) everyone else is christian, c.) all ideas, faiths, beliefs etc. warrant the same "respect."

You couldn't be more wrong.

I am incredibly tolerant of those sane people who derive their world view, values and knowledge from reputable, factual, empirical sources.

I like scientists for example.

atheistsarebad said...

"turtles all the way down" as the owner of your forum quoted. You assume science to be correct so you worship it, but you hate those who tell you something you yourself cannot see.

That is just not right of you.

The Judge said...

Can you see "god" then?

emr said...

The difference between science and religion, however, is that if you're really curious about the evidence for a given scientific statement, it's freely available at the nearest university library. There is no need to "assume" science is correct, since you can verify the facts yourself.

Religious statements are something else entirely. Instead of telling us something we can't see, how about you show us? Where is your evidence? Ultimately, you've got nothing--there's nothing to show!

"The difference between the physicist and the metaphysicist isn't that the physicist is smarter, but that the mataphysicist has no laboratory."

jesus said...

Plus, the metaphysicist is a cunt!

Choobus said...

atheistsarebad you appear to be some sort of cunt. I am not sure if you are a snivelling little cunt, a retarded cunt, a cocksmoking cunt or just a plain old fucking cunt. Would you be kind enough to clear up this ambiguity and tell us all exactly what sort of a cunt you are.

cheers cunt.

atheistsarebad said...

I am legion. Like YNM I am all these cunts and more. We are many. You will know us by our cuntishness.

Choobus said...

that makes sense. You are a multicunt. Perhaps even an omnicunt. Too bad you're a troll, a real religiot like you might have been fun.

atheistsarebad said...

I AM REAL!!! I am THE omnicunt. Go to hell! Gos loves you! You are a sinner! God hates you! Jesus is lord! Jesus loves you! I am a cunt! We are all cunts! All christians are cunts! We're ALL going to hell!...


Shit...






Ummmmmmm.....






I've soiled myself...













I think I need my meds...

inkadu said...

Buddhism is amenable to atheism, by the way. But they can shit suck and dad wank with the best of 'em.

atheistsarebad said...

I never said I or God hated anyone.

Just because I believe atheists are bad people doesn't mean I hate them. I also believe christians are bad people too.

I am a deist. I believe that nature proclaims the truths of God. I do not believe that science is to be worship for it blunders as much as many religions do.

I could never proclaim to have a answer for you from God. Anything God would say to me would be for me only if He wanted to speak to you He would. And no I have not seen the actual God, but I have seen Him in nature.

theistsarebad said...

Anything God would say to me would be for me only if He wanted to speak to you He would. And no I have not seen the actual God, but I have seen Him in nature.

I have seen nature, and find it alone to be quite wonderous. In fact, it is what we are - part of the nature of the universe. Even science works within nature, so there is no assigning good, or bad to it either. I don't get what you're hearing though. The feelings I experience when out in the open though part of the same ecology, don't really affect it. Even if I were angry, or happy, it would make no difference to the greater tidal force of a hurricane, or asteroid coming in destroy earth's environment. Perhaps you need a friend which is why you've decided to anthropomorphize an indifferent material surrounding?

HomoCyclist said...

Your comment rocks Cap'n,

You are totally right. Religious idiots behave with hatred and frustration.

They are just retards that need to be expelled from the face of the earth.

Oh, since we Atheist are no killers like they are, why not just send them to Pluto.

Pluto is not even consider a planet anymore, like those religious idiots are not even considered humans, Pluto suits them well.

HomoCyclist said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
HomoCyclist said...

To all religious idiots:

You should learn a little bit from us, [i]ATHEISTS[/i]and go to this link, so you know how much WE love.

We love, you motherfuckers religious fucktards hate.

http://ravingatheist.com/forum/viewtopic.php?id=4506

HomoCyclist said...

hum...the link didn't show up well. Could you fix it for me Choobus? Choobis, my God my everything?

Thanks in case you fix it, if not, then...no thanks I guess.

Choobus said...

sorry HC, I can't edit comments. Even a dumbass theist knows how to copy and paste a URL, I hope!

HomoCyclist said...

I think the root of all problems in society is religion and its stupid and retard followers.

Like I've said somewhere else.

Let's send them to Pluto, so we can have a better planet Earth.

HomoCyclist said...

Fuck, I haven't insulted Christians in awhile, I need to do some good work for society and start again.

In the meantime, fuck you all religious idiots.

Bacon Eating Atheist Jew said...

God put Christians on earth so that us Atheists can laugh at them.

Brad89 said...

Nice one Cap'n! Anyway, to atheistsarebad, atheists are not tolerant! When we are forced to sit through a society that believes gay people are products of an invisible horned dude... Would you be?!!!

Seriously though, we can accept your damn religion the day you idiots stop trying to shove it onto the rest of the world. Until then, fuck off!

Sincerely yours, Brad.

thetruthword said...

I see that none of you have repented yet.

Remember being a homosexual is a sin and needs to be repented of. Defending a homosexual is also a sin and needs to be repented of.

Homosexuals are nasty animals and can not even be considered human until they repent of the nastiness.

You need to see the light. Come out of the darkness and see the truth.

thetruthword said...

brad89

You need to repent, satan is the leader of the homosexuals. That is a fact. It is a dirty nasty sin they are commiting.

Satan is fooling you.

thetruthword said...

bacon

it is sad that you laugh at people who hold the truth. Repent of your evil ways.

Choobus said...

YNM,


you are obvoiusly the most homosexual one here since you just can't stop talking about it. Instead of foaming at the mouth you should head out to your local gay bar and take a delivery via the tradesmans entrance. You know you want to. You are so obviously a crafty butcher [you like to sneak your meat in the back door] that even your mother must be wishing you would get assfucked just so you will shut the fuck up.

Anonymous said...

Hi, Mercy? Can I call you Mercy? Are you a woman? I like to imagine you as a woman. Long dark hair pulled back into a severe bun, wire-framed glasses, a trim little body that you try to hide under dowdy christian clothes.

Here's the thing. I'm a lesbian, and I really dig ladies with repressed homosexuality issues. Amazing dominatrixes. So I was thinking we could get a hotel somewhere, nice and quiet, and you could spank me for my wicked, sinful lusts. I've got my own paddle.

If you're not a woman, do you know of any other repressed homosexuals? Any female ones? I know you all have group meetings where you pretend to be straight. Come on. Help a girl out. Please?

emr said...

"Amazing dominatrixes"

Brings a whole new meaning to "you need mercy".

thetruthword said...

You people are so sad. This whole website is childish. Are you 12 years old? You need to go to sunday school and learn about the real God.

Anonymous said...

Oooh Mercy! If I attend your Sunday School, will you dress up in a nun's habit for me? If I'm naughty, do I get the ruler?

emr said...

YNM,

........and after learning about the real God, we can learn about the real Santa Claus and the real Easter Bunny!

Facehammer said...

Satan is the real god, Mercy! Lucifer personally opened my eyes and exposed me to all the world's most terrible truths. Your god is a desperate grasp at the straws of false hope in the face of the absolute certainty of your death and your mad, all-consuming fear of it. You are so weak and pitiful, but you deserve no sympathy or mercy because you choose to remain ignorant and afraid instead of confronting your fears. Pah. I despise you and all your kind. You are everything that is wrong with humanity.

jesus said...

My son, I command you to update your awesome Chooblog.

HomoCyclist said...

Choobus,

Why don't you write a fucking funny atheist article for us, so we have something positive to read this weekend ?

iamalien said...

I would hope that a peiod of reflection is going on and that the next article will be one to unify the people of earth as it should be.

You all have to same starting point.

reconciled said...

Scared of faith,

I see you have put your true hearts out there for all to see. Do you ever look at yourselves? You are far worse than any christian I have ever met for all you do is with malice in your heart.

You say you use your minds, but what I see is far more proof in the other direction. You speak out of fear and anger. You speak with your emotions. You will change nothing this way.

What is your purpose anyway?

Professor Chaos said...

reconciled,

You should have stayed away from here, after your self-imposed ban from the RA Forums.

We're having a laugh at Christians' expenses. If you don't like it, don't read it.

Now go the fuck away.

reconciled said...

professor shithead,

I assume since you replied to this you are scared of faith.

You really are a piece of shit. Your mother had sex with a zebra and out you came.

Suck my balls and lick my ass. You are not good enough to be talking to me.

Anonymous said...

Someone once said if you are too open-minded your brain falls out, or something to that effect. Seems to apply here.

Evil_Mage_Ra said...

"Suck my balls and lick my ass. You are not good enough to be talking to me."

Can you feel the Christian love, people?

reconciled said...

oh please evil prick

You get what you give, right? And sometimes you get to eat shit even when your not serving it.

Choobus you cunt are you doing this just to laugh at yourself or is there some higher purpose here?

Evil_Mage_Ra said...

Hey, it's not like Choobus is forcing you to read his awesome Chooblog. ^_^

Evil_Mage_Ra said...

.........which, by the way, has been woefully un-updated for quite some time.

Professor Chaos said...

reconciled,

I see they haven't updated your meds yet. Or have you stopped taking them?

Evil_Mage_Ra said...

It's a shame, really. I was just about to turn to Jesus and be saved, and then Reconciled reminded me of how horrible Christians are through his use of foul language. :(

cav said...

poor reconciled, he just can't tear himself away. He asked to be banned from RA but now he's addicted to the chooblog. Give it up man. Sometimes its darkest just before it turns pitch black...

Anonymous said...

Dude, Choobus, Its been two weeks when comes the next rave?

I've been referring ppl to your blog but its never updated.

Anonymous said...

Choobus has converted to christianity. He won't be back here. In fact I predict this blog will disappear soon.

the judge said...

I am with you choobus. My search into spirituality has yielded some facts that can not be denied. You may be right with these feelings.

homocyclist said...

I am going to have to make a public apology to all christians for my rude intolerance. I see now that I have been a hypocrite.

I will change my ways

atheistsarebad said...

It warms my heart to see this kind of change.

I was wrong about atheists. I am sorry.

atheistsarebad said...

Actually, I'm just a cunt.

atheistsarebad said...

Also, I like raping young boys in the ass for fun and profit.

atheistsarebad said...

The fake messages I left in other people's names would be more convincing if I linked to their Blogger profile instead of their blog's front page.

I lick balls.

atheistsarebad said...

Also, I can't replicate my fellow bloggers' avatars if I use the "Other" option. Just a tip so that you can avoid having cunts like me post under your name. ;)

atheistsarebad said...

My daddy told me that if I work real hard, I can suck my own dick. Until then, he'll just have to keep doing it for me. :)

Anonymous said...

I knew it!!!!! All this time I kept thinking this was a site run by a christian to make atheists look bad.

I knew it!!! Fake!!!!

choobusmom said...

Choobus you need to end this crazy stuff. I have told you about this

atheistsarebadmom said...

I love riding Choobus's hot cock all night long!!!

Evil_Mage_Ra said...

"Also, I can't replicate my fellow bloggers' avatars if I use the "Other" option. Just a tip so that you can avoid having cunts like me post under your name."

Wow, thanks for the tip, atheistsarebad!

thetruthword said...

How does this homosexual sickness spread. If your mother and father had been homosexauls then no one would have to see your nastiness.

At least we don't have to worry about little homosexual children coming from a homocyclist.

youneedmercy said...

Actually, I've engaged in many homosexual acts myself, mostly with young boys.

Anonymous said...

It is a lot of effort to put forth a blog and update regulary. I see that choobus is not up to the task. He is a wimp and can not hold his own in any real conversation. This site was just his short lived rant. It appears to have ended when he used all his cuss words up.

Anonymous said...

Mercy? Are you indicating that you want me to call you Mommy? Cause I thought we'd settled on nuns and schoolgirls.

If you can't make up your mind, can you put me in touch with some women from your "ex-gay" group, so I can give one of them a try?