A blog of infinite Choobism, and thence of incredible awesomeness.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

my farts smell like a sunrise



Imagine a disheveled and filthy hobo (FH) approaches you, a normal person (NP) on the street:

FH: My farts smell like a sunrise

NP: What? Get out of my way you rancid fool.

FH: Seriously, my farts smell like a beautiful sunrise. Take a whiff.

NP: I shall do no such thing. Now, be off with you, lest I give you a thrashing you won’t soon forget.

FH: Dude, you don’t know what you’re missing. This is soooooo good. Here take this and breathe in.

NP: What the buggery bollocks is that?

FH: It’s a plastic tube. It goes all the way up my ass, so you can get a good sampling from the source. Have a chug.

NP: I’ve never heard of anything so vile in all my life.

FH: Typical. How can you say that unless you try it? Once you go crack, you’ll never go back. I mean it, this will change your life.

NP: I dare say it would, by destroying my olfactory senses and rendering my mind unstable.

FH: No way dude, I’m totally serious, my farts are like the breathe of god. You have to take a drag, otherwise you’ll never know the love of the creator.

NP: Because I prefer not to inhale the gaseous emissions of your digestive system?

FH: The lord is everywhere, even in my ass. But my farts are special. I cut the one true cheese, and you are a fool if you won’t at least take a look and see the good news for yourself.

NP: I find it a bit strange that your farts supposedly smell so good, while the rest of your carcass emits a pervasive and rank odour. Indeed, this leads me to conclude that you are not being entirely honest, or at least that your brain works only in a limited capacity.

FH: My farts smell like a sunrise.

NP: I know, you said that already. By the way, I wasn’t aware that there was any particular smell associated with a sunrise. What does a sunrise smell like?

FH: My farts.

NP: Of course.

FH: you have to check it out. If you don’t your immoral soul is in danger

NP: Don’t you mean immortal?

FH: I know what I mean. You are evil, that’s why you don’t want to inhale the lord’s goodness.

NP: That really isn’t the reason, and if you don’t stop waving that disgusting ass tube in my face you’ll regret it.

FH: See how the presence of God angers you. Evil doer. Evil doer.

NP: It’s the presence of stank that angers me, by which I mean you of course.

FH: Inhale and be saved. What have you got to lose?

NP: My lunch, not to mention self respect and dignity. The idea of sucking your ass gas out of a plastic tube solely because you insist that it smells like a sunrise and is the breathe of god is beyond absurd. You can’t honestly think that any rational human being would entertain the notion.

FH: That’s where you’re wrong sinner. There are hundreds of wise people who have smelled the lord. Not everyone wants to go to hell.

NP: You lie. No normal person would willingly accede to such a vile practice.

FH: I speak the truth. My farts smell like a sunrise, and taste of eternal life. Don’t you want eternal life?

NP: What, smelling your ass for all eternity? No thanks. I’ll be more than happy to pass on into oblivion if that’s the alternative.

FH: For you the alternative is hell, where your nether regions are the playthings of twisted demons.

NP: Meh, compared to bum sucking that doesn’t seem so bad.

FH: Go then sinner, but know this: the lord came to you through me. The lord offered you to drinketh from his cup through me. The lord offered you eternal life in heaven through me, but you denied him. You turned away his light, and refused the sunrise farts of the holy guff, and for that you will be cast out.

NP: Ok, I’ll write that down when I get back to my home, where I live.

FH: and one other thing evil doer.

NP: yes?

FH: Can you spare a dollar for a cup of tea guv?

39 comments:

antix said...

Damn. My farts usually just smell like raw sewage. Accept this one time, when it smelt of a rainbow. That was when I decided to quit doing acid.

scathach said...

Sucking hobo ass gas. What a perfect metaphor for xianity.

Berto said...

Yeah, it doesn't seem like much of a choice - sucking on hobo ass gas or hellfire? Give me hellfire any day.

Anonymous said...

Fuckin' british snob, sniff the bum, bitch!

Bastard Blog said...

The most eloquent thing I have ever read. Bravo!

choobusyourgointohell said...

CHOOBUS YOU ARE GOING TO HELL FOR NOT SMELLING HOBO FARTS ACCEPT JESUS INTO YOUR HEART AND SMELL SOME HOBO ASS GAS PRAISE JESUS

scathach said...

after all, jeebus WAS a piker... which is kind of like a hobo, innit?

Choobus said...

Christers are the intellectual hobos whose ass gas (aka speech)stinks the place up like a dodgy curry on a long haul flight. A fucking bowel movement not only makes more sense than a bible reading, and serves some sort of useful purpose, but is also a lot more enjoyable, even from the perspective of a toilet cleaning muslim jizz slurping shit sucking horse masturbator.

Phil B. Studge said...

I know a cunt who smells like a douchebag, but that doesn't make him a bad person.

Anonymous said...

I'll tell you what stinks, the lies and hypicrisy of you so-called atheists. you are hateful and wicked, but when you grow up you'll regret what you are doing. Losers.

Anonymous said...

"Hypicrisy"? What's that?

The Judge said...

It's what dumbfuck retarded christers type...cos they ARE that stupid.

The Judge said...

This is the no holds barred, down in the gutter, real life, version of Kissing Hanks Ass:
http://www.jhuger.com/kisshank.php

I kow which one I prefer. Hobo gut-funk ass gas is SO much more memorable.

Bravo again Choob ;o)

Anonymous said...

judge is prob a gay who wants to suck choobis. Go ahead homos there's no place for you in heaven anyway. You might as well have butt buddy in hell where you all belong. Choobis is a retard and this his site proves it.

Righteous Man said...

fuck you choobus you are scum and should delete this vile blog, and delete yourself as well because you are vermin

The Judge said...

@Anonymous
I honestly don't think I could accommodate The Mighty Choobus orally (besides he prefers anal anyway!)

Oh yeah and shut the fuck up you cowardly, uptight, religidiot closet gay fucktard.

@Righteous Man who said:...
[i]"fuck you Choobus you are scum and should delete this vile blog, and delete yourself as well because you are vermin [/i]

Tsk tsk now cunthead butt-fucker. Such language indeed! And on the internets too! Oh my goodness I do despair.
You're going to hell fo' sho' mo' fo'!

Never mind though cum-rag, you'll no doubt see Choobus and me and all the muslims, Hindus etc. and everyone else who isn't a fucking christian zealot down there in hell with you.

Cunt.

Newport Vanderhaden said...

Is this evil blog still around? You are all going to Hell. I hope you burn forever.

Newport Vanderhaden.

The Judge said...

Newport Vanderhaden said...
"Is this evil blog still around? You are all going to Hell. I hope you burn forever.

Newport Vanderhaden."

In answer to your asinine points:
Yes.
So are you (the muslims, hindus and jews all say so, so there!)
And I hope you burn TONIGHT motherfucker.

When you have finished your firey and horrificaly painful death, may you descend burning into the sulphurous depths and be spit-roasted by two of the biggest gay cocks in the uninverse...for eternity.

The Judge said...

After seeing you are a white supremicist fucktard, I would like to add that those two cocks should be the biggest black schlongs the world has ever known.

Choke on it you fucking bigot.

Newport Vanderhaden said...

The Judge said...

After seeing you are a white supremicist fucktard, I would like to add that those two cocks should be the biggest black schlongs the world has ever known.

Choke on it you fucking bigot.



We are not racists. We elitist whites just have standards, not like you, a piece of Flamingo droppling.

I could buy and sell you, little man. Just one of my cars is worth more than every house you ever owned, if you even ever had one.

I hope Jesus bitchslaps you all the way to Hell.

Newport Vanderhaden.

The Judge said...

That is so funny. What's funnier is that you do not why.


LOL

Strider said...

You know, more often than not, it's the one's that say something like "I could buy and sell you little man", or "one of my cars is worth more than..." are usually just a bunch of wanna be punks. Those that have money, rarely advertise it you stupid fuck. Now, go back to your pretend world where you play Robber Baron of the railroad and let the adults have their time.

Anonymous said...

I thought atheists were supposed to be smart.

Can you seriously not tell that this Newport character is a parody?

bigpunisher said...

atheists are not smart, they are dumb, and they like it that way. Compared to atheists newport is a genius

Anonymous said...

bigpunisher, I believe I left some hairs from my asshole in your teeth. Please return them to me.

Ayush said...

hehehhe, are you serious.
check some good fart stuff : Fart Jokes

JU Lounin said...

This would pawn the "Kiss Hanks Ass" video. Someone needs to make a video version of "my farts smell like a sunrise."

peacefulchristian said...

God spoke to me in a dream last night, and told me to visit choobus.blogspot.com. I had no idea what "choobus" even means, but I see now just how desperate for saving you are.

Choobus, God loves you or he wouldn't have sent me to find you and your friends. May I ask why you show such hatred for Christ?

King dong said...

peaceful cunt, your christ is a fiction and his followers (like you) are morons and douchebags. you must kneel in the presence of mighty Choobus and beg his forgiveness.

The Judge said...

Of course dreams are entirely replicable, measureable and reliable.
Don't you think that all government policy and every single important decision ever should be made on the basis of dreams?

Dumbfuck

peacefulchristian said...

Insults aside, I wonder if anyone can answer the question of why you hate Christ so badly?

Jennifer said...

So.....an update for Christmas then, St Tea?

peacefulchristian said...

I'm just trying to understand why there is so much hatred in this blog.

Choobus, I know you are a good person. God told me to contact you. It's not too late for you. Why do you show such hatred towards Jesus? Did something happen to you?

Anonymous said...

How can choobus hate christ when he has said many times that he doesn't exist? Peaceful retard, you need to use what's left of your brain before you start sharting all over the chooblog.

If there was a god, choobus would update the chooblog

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