A blog of infinite Choobism, and thence of incredible awesomeness.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Pray for Forgiveness



Forgive me assholes for I have sinned. It has been fucking ages since my last exposition. The main reason for this is that it was brought to my attention that I am just way too fucking awesome, and that it was therefore unfair on all the other bloggers and suchlike out there on the interwebs. Thus, as a gesture of my magnificent generosity, which is rivaled only by that of the federal government towards Halliburton, I decided to take a break. However, I have since realized that everyone else is a cunt, and does not deserve to be blessed by my overly philanthropic ways. Furthermore, there have been some grievous occurrences that cannot be properly understood until the proponents have been labeled shitgoblins, and properly chastised. For example, the governor of Georgia, Sonny Perdue has just this week shown that he was the right man for the job, because he is going to solve their drought using the power of prayer. When this fails I fully expect them to sue the local churches for dereliction of diety. This may not work though because it’s pretty obvious that god hates Georgia, otherwise why send a drought in the first place? This isn’t the work of the Devil because he has said “Georgia? Fuck that shit man, I aint never going back to that shithole. It’s worse than fucking Alabama, for real. Those mountain folk are the worst retards I’ve ever seen, and I’ve been hanging out with the Bush family since I met them at one of Hitler’s cocktail parties back in 1938. The entire state stinks like Jerry Falwell corpse, which I have been saving so Pat Robertson can assfuck it when he comes down to hell for his annual visit. There’s no fucking way I am going to do anything in the toilet state. Jehovah can have it”. Sonny Perdue might seem like a polesmoking nancy boy, but you have to admit, it takes balls of steel to call god out on his drought. Of course, there’s a good chance that, like most christologists, he probably doesn’t actually believe that god exists, so really all this praying is just bullshit to keep the sheeple impressed with his christiness. What a cumchugging dildo. What will they say when there is no rain? The usual shit: you can’t test the lord. He works in mysterious ways. The people did not have enough faith. And if it rains? Praise him! For he had blessed us with the glory of water magically falling from the heavens. Oh sweet and merciful god, now that you have revealed your majestic presence, is there any danger of doing something about wars and cancer and child abuse and all that other shit that sucks arse? Nah, I thought not. You pikey mother fucker. If I lived in Georgia apart from having a high chance of being a cousin fucking christ puncher, I’d probably be a bit pissed off about my tax dollars being used in such an inefficient manner. Instead of praying I would prefer to see some sort of action. If whining to god is the only plan the state can come up with then at least they could play it safe and whine to all the gods. I’d start with Poseidon since he’s got a lot of experience with this kind of shit. God does do floods, but he’s a hack and goes way overboard. And you might as well give that child raping camel fucker muhammed a go as well. His miracles are a bit wanky, and seem to revolve around raisins, but why not give the dirty bastard a chance. After all, his followers are mostly illiterate sand people so they have probably had some water complaints over the years. Probably the best plan though would be to take the hint and get the fuck out of Georgia. New Orleans might be a good place to try. They don’t have too many droughts down there.

39 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hello Choobus,

Long time since I have spoken with you. Guess who I am and win a prize.

The wind blew in from the east but the west knocked out my teeth, so I blew in from the west and the east smashed in my face. Now I stumble along a road to nowhere. Nowhere to turn, nowhere to find comfort, nowhere. The theists held me down while the atheists beat me. Now I just float with the wind.

Anonymous said...

Ha ha, idiot chewbus is back, and just as retarded as ever. I thought the internet had nasty stink. Drop dead idiot.

Anonymous said...

Winds blow through the leaves and they all fall off. The day always ends. Theist or atheist makes no difference when you hurt your fellows.

Anonymous said...

"Winds blow through the leaves and they all fall off."

you blow as well gaylord. fuck off back to canadia where you belong asshole

Anonymous said...

atheist and theist are one in the same. Humans who only care for themselves. We will all die. What does the rest matter? The atheist kick people who are down just like the theist.

Anonymous said...

the theist shits in your brain and the atheist left to clean up the mess. believe in god and don't let you brain be open for learning. Keep prasying to fake god and pretend you is not fake liar and fool

Anonymous said...

I like choobus´rants. Come on Choob! Keep them coming goddammit!

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Anonymous said...

We are watching you Choobus. Dont forget that

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Anonymous said...

you are biggest poofter in town, and then you is try blame choobus (who is awesome) for your own gayness! That is well bad.

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Anonymous said...

The ancients believed that rain was God's way of spooging all over His work, not unlike Pee Wee Herman at a matinee.

The less ancient Greeks believed that thunderstorms caused mushrooms to grow because they appeared after it rained. These are the people who invented logic, so who's to argue?

The proto-Christians combined these two ideas: God's semen + phallic-shaped, apparently miraculously born mushrooms (the only organisms that seemed to not have a seed of some kind).

Thus the word "Christ" which many people think means "annointed" but is in fact derived from the Sumerian word 'semen-smeared.' (This may sound like bollocks but I assure you ever word of it a true fack.)

~ Philb Studge

Mike Rounon said...

You are a sad lost soul Choobus, and you will burn in hell fire for your evil scientific ungodly ways. But you should also know that the lord loves you, and to be saved you must first repent your sins.

Korvis said...

oi choobus, i love your rants, keep them coming, and i will definitely share them with my friends and family.

lol, yahweh warrior? "you will burn in hell fire for your evil scientific ungodly ways" this shit is better than any joke i could have made about you, lol...

Anonymous said...

If you die today it will be a few years too layte.



yours in Christ

Mark

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