A blog of infinite Choobism, and thence of incredible awesomeness.

Monday, May 14, 2007


You may have seen some of this retarded gibberish around, on cars or worn by slack jawed christ punching sheeple. These jeetards seem to think that it is a good idea to bring the absurd nature of their holy crap to the attention of others. Why? Well, that’s a good question, inasmuch as any question related to christologists can be good (other than “where did they all go?).

You don’t see NAMBLA members putting stickers on their cuntwagons: “Not of this generation” or perhaps “He has risen, thanks to Viagra”. Admittedly they have to save their money to pay for their Bangkok child rape jaunts, but still one can’t help but think that perhaps, deep down, they are actually ashamed of their filthy predilections. Not so with the god botherers: they flaunt their ignorance with extreme pride because they are sofa king stupid. Too dumb to know how dumb they are, and victims of one of the biggest cons in human history. To say that those sporting the NOTW paraphernalia are huge assholes is an insult to Goatse. Indeed, non-christified people would rather have their vehicles decorated by Tub Girl (in her own inimitable way) than the buy-bull waving imbeciles at NOTW. Moreover, it has not escaped my attention that a disproportionate number of these cumchuggers drive absurdly large pick up trucks or SUV’s. It’s almost as though they were not satisfied with being ordinary arseclowns, and decided that they simply had to find a way to become mega-arseclowns. One can immediately see that the NOTW store targets losers by looking at the “models” they chose to tout their tacky crap.

These aspiring dorks are most likely typical of the sort of cunt they are after. As always, anything with the Jeebus touch has two main goals: to get money from and to indoctrinate as many tards as possible. Thus, in addition to charging rip off prices for cheap shite (fuck helping the poor, that’s not the Christian way) the good old boys at c28 (the NOTW parent company) are just waiting to force some Christology deep up as many assholes as they can, as is evidenced by this colossal tripe culled from their wanksite.

"We all need Jesus because God loves us, has plans for us and wants a direct relationship with us. The Holy Bible tells us we need Jesus because without Him there is no access to God, no eternal life, no peace nor purpose. To have a relationship with God, we must first understand man is born with a big problem. The big problem is sin and sin separates us from a Holy God. But do not fear, God loves us, is merciful and has provided a way out for us. <>
Have you ever taken anything that does not belong to you? Have you ever exaggerated the truth? Have you ever hated anyone? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you have already broken one of the Ten Commandments (and there is [sic] still seven more Commandments to go through). The Holy Bible teaches us that the due penalty of breaking any of the Ten Commandments is judgment (death in Hell).
In concluding [sic], Jesus died and rose on the third day conquering death so those who believe in Him may also live forever in eternity with Him and God. The forgiveness of our sins comes through the greatest gift to mankind, the undeserved grace through Jesus Christ! Why? Because He loves us and wants us to live a full and complete life on this earth and in heaven!!!”

I find it rather surprising that exaggerating the truth will get you a one way ticket to hell since the entire basis for the christian scam is exaggerating what is probably a lie. Still, if christology made sense to me it would be all I could do to mash the keyboard with my palms and drool on the mouse, and I would not therefore be able to write this. Certainly the whole “krazee krist died for our sins, even though he didn’t really die” continues to make NO FUCKING SENSE AT ALL. For those of us who have not been brainwashed it may be impossible to understand what they are trying to say. In a land where the churches are full and the libraries are empty there really is no reason to make their lies coherent or sensible. The details of the religion are quite irrelevant. It is adherence to orders that matter, not the order of the coherence. In this milieu there is obviously only one way to reel in more faithfools; you have to make jeetardation look cool, and that can only be achieved with the ultra stylish garments and other shit offered by the cumchugging spastic raping con merchants at NOTW. As you may have guessed, I am not a Christian, but Jesus H Christ those outfits are so fucking cool I just have to get some.

hey dude, you can play with your balls
if you wear these awesome pants

I have wankers cramp in both of my arms
but it was totally worth it

hey baby, do you wanna see my abstinence pledge?
it's tattooed on my firm young ass

Oh shit biyatch! Now my wankers cramp is even worse

Good day to you sir. I am a christian twat.

You have to give these guys credit: it's not easy making christ punching look even more retarded than it already does without going nuclear and pulling a Phelps, or going the full Robertson. Anything that helps to highlight the unbelievable fecal futility of religious thought is a good thing, unless it explodes or something.


inkadu said...

This crap hasn't hit the east coast yet; or if it has, I don't notice, because I don't bother to read black t-shirts anymore. The main thing about a black t-shirt is that it's black. Anything else is extraneous. Unless, you know, it's JUST black, without any graphic. Then it probably is a retro-fifties thing...


And why would NAMBLA members drive cuntwagons, of all possible vehicles?

Anonymous said...

"And why would NAMBLA members drive cuntwagons, of all possible vehicles?"

maybe because they are cunts?

Some Old Git said...

NOTW - fuck me Choob - I thought you were pushing that less than respectable pillar of Brit Journo-shite - the News of the World!

It's probably worth a bit more awareness raising, as they do publish some rather splendid cleavage & bum-cheek shots from time to time.

Socialist Libertarian said...

I like the way you think, and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

professor chaos said...

Excellent post, Choobus.

Like inkadu said, I haven't seen this stuff out east yet, thank Science. I'd probably poke my own eyes out.

Choobus said...

There aren't as many christ punchers on the east coast so maybe the business of selling jeebus related sheisse is simply uneconomical. Perhaps the appearance of this sort of thing can be taken as an early warning that a critical mass of morons exists in your area.

don Imus said...

choobus, you are being ripped off by the socialist libertarian

professor chaos said...

You really think so? I always thought there were far more Jetards East of the Mississippi. I wonder if the census bureau or some such organization has easily accessible info on that, out of curiosity.

Choobus said...

I don't know if there really are more jeetards on the west coast. It feels like it, but I have only spent time in Boston and New York on the east, and California and Washington in the west. The NOTW bollocks may only be localized because that's where the wankers who sell it live. Fuck knows.
I would expect that there is a correlation with christology and the red states though.

as for you don imus, you can fuck off you happy headed gnome. I had a look at the socialist libertarians cuntwatch, and while it is a bit of a rip off, I don't mind at all. I rather enjoyed the reaming they gave chuck norris (which was well deserved). In fact, Mr. Norris is looking like a good candidate for shitlord.

scathach said...

The highest concentration of jeetards is most certainly in the midwest, although the southeast is running a close second.

The location of the latest NASCAR race is what tips the scales between one or the other.

That and Moonpie conventions.

JU Lounin said...

This stuff doesn't really happen in NYC but a few days ago I was crossing the street and this car turned at the intersection. What I noticed was that a picture of Jeebus right on the turn signal light. What was that supposed to mean? Move out of the way or Jeebus will run your ass over?

choobusyourgoingtohell son said...


king kong said...

choobus, if you are going to hell I wanna go too

you rock dude

Evil_Mage_Ra said...

Wow, those pants let me play with my balls and look cool?!? Put me down for fifty!

Choobus said...

There may be an easy access velcro ass patch as well (known in the trade as the priesthole). Ball playing fun for everyone!

Evil_Mage_Ra said...

Also useful for pooping.

Anonymous said...

chobus is a loser and a fool

Choobus said...

Who is this chobus? He sounds cool.

Righteous Man said...

fuk off and DIE Choobus scum. Go back to the gutter where you belong

Aurelius said...

I know this is a pretty old comment line, but I've got to give props to CHOOBLOG. I've hammered out many blogs with the same vulgarometer ratings. Sometimes you just have to let off so of the rage that the legion of 'peter pan' evags envoke. Nothing wrong with using the 'F-word' when describing the moral and intellectual shortcomings of those who frequently mock us.