Pray for Forgiveness

Forgive me assholes for I have sinned. It has been fucking ages since my last exposition. The main reason for this is that it was brought to my attention that I am just way too fucking awesome, and that it was therefore unfair on all the other bloggers and suchlike out there on the interwebs. Thus, as a gesture of my magnificent generosity, which is rivaled only by that of the federal government towards Halliburton, I decided to take a break. However, I have since realized that everyone else is a cunt, and does not deserve to be blessed by my overly philanthropic ways. Furthermore, there have been some grievous occurrences that cannot be properly understood until the proponents have been labeled shitgoblins, and properly chastised. For example, the governor of Georgia, Sonny Perdue has just this week shown that he was the right man for the job, because he is going to solve their drought using the power of prayer. When this fails I fully expect them to sue the local churches for dereliction of diety. This may not work though because it’s pretty obvious that god hates Georgia, otherwise why send a drought in the first place? This isn’t the work of the Devil because he has said “Georgia? Fuck that shit man, I aint never going back to that shithole. It’s worse than fucking Alabama, for real. Those mountain folk are the worst retards I’ve ever seen, and I’ve been hanging out with the Bush family since I met them at one of Hitler’s cocktail parties back in 1938. The entire state stinks like Jerry Falwell corpse, which I have been saving so Pat Robertson can assfuck it when he comes down to hell for his annual visit. There’s no fucking way I am going to do anything in the toilet state. Jehovah can have it”. Sonny Perdue might seem like a polesmoking nancy boy, but you have to admit, it takes balls of steel to call god out on his drought. Of course, there’s a good chance that, like most christologists, he probably doesn’t actually believe that god exists, so really all this praying is just bullshit to keep the sheeple impressed with his christiness. What a cumchugging dildo. What will they say when there is no rain? The usual shit: you can’t test the lord. He works in mysterious ways. The people did not have enough faith. And if it rains? Praise him! For he had blessed us with the glory of water magically falling from the heavens. Oh sweet and merciful god, now that you have revealed your majestic presence, is there any danger of doing something about wars and cancer and child abuse and all that other shit that sucks arse? Nah, I thought not. You pikey mother fucker. If I lived in Georgia apart from having a high chance of being a cousin fucking christ puncher, I’d probably be a bit pissed off about my tax dollars being used in such an inefficient manner. Instead of praying I would prefer to see some sort of action. If whining to god is the only plan the state can come up with then at least they could play it safe and whine to all the gods. I’d start with Poseidon since he’s got a lot of experience with this kind of shit. God does do floods, but he’s a hack and goes way overboard. And you might as well give that child raping camel fucker muhammed a go as well. His miracles are a bit wanky, and seem to revolve around raisins, but why not give the dirty bastard a chance. After all, his followers are mostly illiterate sand people so they have probably had some water complaints over the years. Probably the best plan though would be to take the hint and get the fuck out of Georgia. New Orleans might be a good place to try. They don’t have too many droughts down there.