Alcoholics anonymous: cult or crock?
The simple answer is that it’s both a crock of shit and a cult. The friends of Bill are usually hopeless losers: exactly the type of people who need the booze. Imagine how awful it would be to wake up every day and have to remember what a worthless fuck you are. This is why booze is so great, and that’s why these pikey fuckers should be gulping it down, just like the good old days. But they do not. “AA saves lives” some whining Christ puncher will probably say. Does it fuck. It’s just a cult, and it uses standard cult tactics to make sure that some ex-drunks can experience some power by lording it over some other alcoholics. The guy who cleans portable toilets may seem like a disgusting shit scrubber to you, but if he’s been on the wankers wagon for 10 years he is like a god to the other acolytes at the AA meeting. They hold alcohol over you like the pint of Damocles, threatening you with absurd stories about things they used to do before they bent over and allowed a “higher power” to fuck them in the arse and drop a mammoth load of self righteousness. And, like all good cults, they have a special book of bollocks: the big book of bullshit. And let’s not forget the 12 steps: a fine tool of indoctrination, with a proven success when it comes to indoctrinating tools.
Perhaps the biggest lie told by arseholes anonymous is that it is not a religious group. Where do they hold most of their fucking meetings? IN FUCKING CHURCHES THAT’S WHERE. What is this higher power if it isn’t god? Is it the stockmarket? Even if your brain is soaked in gin this ploy is pretty easy to see through. Pretending that there is no religion in AA is like saying you only read penthouse for the articles, and saying it while simultaneously masturbating furiously. If you happen to be one of these people who will actually die if you don’t stop drinking then you should do some time in prison. If you actually want to continue living (and lets face it, for these losers that’s not always the best option) why the fuck would you let a group of self confessed losers be responsible for your life? It’s fucking retarded. That’s like asking Michael Jackson to baby-sit.
“But it works” the same whining prick will probably say. Does it? Maybe if you are willing to become a jeebus zombie and start acting like a cunt, you can give up the booze for a few years. It’s not fucking worth it. I’d rather drink myself into the grave than hang out with such pathetic pikey bastards. A sober drunk is the worst of both worlds. They are as boring as the bible and just as self righteous, and (for some reason) generally ugly mother fuckers as well. No thanks man. If you really can’t drink anymore, there’s always weed, or crack. Anything is better than turning into a friend of Bill. You try and find a more pathetic specimen than a chain smoking haggard ex alcoholic who likes nothing more than getting a late night phone call from someone he is “sponsoring” so he can feel like the big man and offer useless platitudes. Compared to them, broke down crack whores are like elegant debutantes.
If you read this and you believe you have a problem with alcohol, here is my advice to you: Stop being such a pussy. That’s the real problem, too many pussies.